The Maintenance Man

This next flame and I actually met on Bumble and dated for a few months last year before parting ways. We spent time indulging in a plethora of activities such as: cooking for one another, going out to eateries downtown, movies or cool at the crib and smoke out. Frequent sexual vibrations ensued as well. Considering all aspects, (and the scarcity of down to earth black men) he’s definitely in my Top 5 “Denver Escapades.” Not much of an age gap, a Father of one and a maintenance man for the city and bedroom. Haha! Anytime we linked it was always easygoing — whether we engaged in a healthy debacle about a current event or just laughing at stupid stuff; the energy was organic. He was also consistent and continued to reaffirm his interest through his ACTIONS (including: call/texts, FT or initiating spending time). However, after the first couple months in — mentally I desired more stimulating conversation. His response was, “oh that’ll came with time.” “I’ll give you some time... that’s enough time.” How much time do you need to strike up a dialect about something other than how my day went? It was very surface level for me. Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., LMFT award-winning therapist and psychology writer said “most men have a hard time communicating anything that remotely resembles an emotion.” Did you know women speak at 250 wpm opposed to men averaging 125? He continues to expound stating that women tend to speak faster when excited and may interrupt their partners struggling to find the right words. Thus, men may lose track, shut down because of their inability to express themselves or even converse. Overall, time is too precious to waste with someone who doesn’t arouse you in other ways besides intimacy. If any, share your perspective or opinions below. Relation or situationship take this five question Quick Compatibility Test

The Radio Manager

This guy was a chunky, light-bright atheist from Minnesota. He was quiet, hard to read and slightly awkward with an almost ‘gentle giant’ demeanor. I think we probably went on one date after he returned from out of town in Chicago? Following our initial interaction, we communicated with ease and had sex often until his mood began to “flip back and forth between sweet and sour,” or that of someone diagnosed with a bi-polar disorder. From jump, I maintained the mentality that we were essentially “casual friends with bennies.” One minute he’d be speaking of us dating more exclusively (with time, of course) in the future then on another complaining about how much of a hassle it was to have sex with me. That was a new one, lmao! Sex and Relationship Columnist Sophia Benoit at GQ stated in her excerpt, “when someone is sending you mixed signals, under what circumstances should you keep trying, and when should you walk away? When it comes to deciphering any level of mixed signals, the golden rule is: Pay as much attention to their actions as you do to their words.” Another article (male point-of-view) I read summarized that men either have a valid reason to take it slow, he’s missing his cue off the strength of the mixed messages he could be receiving from you or they’re just not interested. Overall, I think dating would be easier if both parties eliminate the excuses and effectively communicate their desires or intentions from jump. Men folk -- please share your perspective or opinions in the comment box below.

Side note: I linked with ya boy after the Thanksgiving holiday and let’s just say ain’t shit changed, but my number.

The Scenarist

The next fellow I met was a few years older — a refined, intelligent and handsome gentleman. He wore his wisdom sexy, always spouting knowledge and historical references to black culture or pastimes. He split residency between here and LA as a script writer. We dated once or twice and any other time after that I was too drained to kick it and fool around. Long story short, we part for the reason that he felt “inconvenienced,” whether that be in general or sexually I don’t know. However, what I can’t understand is how (some of) you men “state interest” insinuating the potential you view in us being more than, yet entertain other women who you consider to “better than” or of an “upper-echelon” group of African-Americans. According to Polina Solda, dating expert “breadcrumbling” is the newest term for bad dating behavior that only leads to false hope. It’s similar to a tease with no follow through and it leaves a person (more likely the woman) hanging, hoping and going up and down an emotional roller coaster. Known as “Hansel and Gretelling, Urban Dictionary defines it as “when a guy or girl gives someone just enough attention to keep their hopes of a relationship alive.” Solda says it tends to be a move that feed egos and the easiest thing to do is not engage. “Just cut it off, or you can inform the person of your disinterest.” Experts say the trend happens more often as a result of dating apps (hence the 50SOT) where communication is mostly through text messages. In other words, meet men the old-fashioned way — in person. Lol! In closing, my message to you DEGENERATE men folk (TO WHOM IT APPLIES) is to have several seats when it comes to flaunting your ego and masculinity! Stop fronting and be forward with your intentions. If any, please leave your thoughts or comments.

The Lyft Driver

One of the first guys I was crushing following my move out West, was a college educated Que from Cali working Lyft and Uber full-time. In the beginning everything was copacetic. We spent time periodically (or schedule permitting) — cooking, watching sports together, cuddling, sexing and being complete homebodies enjoying each other’s space and energy until… the switch up! Long story short “Mr. Lyft Driver” started acting distant and proceeded to end things between us via Snapchat because he said, “he didn’t want to date someone without their own place.” Fellas — why is it that (some of) y’all lack the capacity to be straightforward with women face to face? Are y’all fearful of how we’ll react or feel as a result? Personally, “the sexiest men are the ones who make their intentions known so that women don’t have to waste their time stressing about mixed messages or second-guessing themselves.” According to Direct Dating Coach Sasha Daygame, men who aren’t assertive lack confidence, are insecure, afraid of commitment, struggle to communicate their emotions accurately and have no problem wasting women’s time (especially if that means side-stepping an uncomfortable conversation). Sasha also states that indirect or passive men have no solid plan, clear intentions and make dating for women feel more exhausting instead of fun; because of the constant mind fuck of trying to guess how y’all men folk feel. In closing, women are more attracted to men who will not beat around the bush and BE DIRECT regardless of fearing rejection or an adverse reaction. If any, please leave your thoughts or comments.